Pleasing others and going out of your way to be nice seems commendable and respectable, and it is, but only in moderation.
You may be asking, how do I know that I’m a people pleaser?
A people pleaser doesn’t take time for themselves, they rarely say no to people, they back down from arguments or confrontation, they apologize often, people expect you not to express how you truly feel.
The brutal truth is that being a people pleaser will never truly make you happy, you’ll never have your needs met. The behavior will not only cause you to burn out, it will cause you bitterness and resentment. This is a pattern we created for ourselves stemming from fear, a lack of self worth and craving acceptance.
You never say no to others, the thought of disappointing someone seems like a curse worse than death and you should receive an award for being the best at putting yourself last on your own list.
The problem occurs when you’re so focused on other people and desperately trying to make them like you that you don’t take the time to focus on you, your happiness or your needs in your relationships. The relationship becomes completely imbalanced and it’s not sustainable long term.
When you try so hard pleasing others not only is there desperation that begins to happen but the people around you will lose respect for you. You aren’t standing in your truth and you aren’t showing up as a powerful, confident person.
People pleasers often end up extremely disappointed when the other person doesn’t reciprocate and meet your same expectations. You’re also at a disadvantage because you don’t share your feelings or disappointment with others.
Not only will the behavior not change it also means that the anger and resentment within you increases. Your feelings and thoughts will no longer be considered as important because you aren’t sharing them with others.
People pleasers often trust people quickly, sometimes too quickly. You can end up being bulldozed by others. You’re susceptible to being put in manipulative and abusive situations from your romantic life, personal life and professional life.
The best way to move forward is to create balance for yourself where you are a giving, loving person but you also do for yourself, set boundaries and expect people to treat you properly.
If you find yourself struggling to work through people pleasing, I highly encourage you to reach out to a therapist or coach for help.