The number one thing that’s holding you back right now is fear, it paralyzes people. When you’re afraid and doubtful, you don’t often act when you can. Fear causes resistance.

Fear is part of survival, it helps keeps you alive, it’s designed to protect you from danger. Fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of being misunderstood, fear of not being enough, fear of boredom, fear of not being in control, fear of being alone, fear of the unknown, fear of unworthiness, fear of getting your heart broken. I could keep going.

While you need to recognize and honor your fear you also need to recognize you have power over it. Problem occurs when you don’t believe you have the power over it. It’s important to explore what your fears are and how they hold you back so you can identify them and release what doesn’t serve you.

When you step into and lean into your fear, instead of fearing fear itself, amazing growth and opportunity come about on the other side. You become more open, vulnerable and willing to take risks. Doing this allows you to increase your opportunity to potentially meet someone great with the ability to authentically and meaningfully connect with someone.

We want nothing more than to experience genuine intimacy and connection, yet we fear this intimacy and connection more than anything.

My clients sometimes say to me, “I can’t do that”. I respond with “Can’t or wont? Those are two different things. You can do anything you want, it boils down to you being in the drivers seat or your fear.

When you begin a relationship your fears naturally come to the surface and they’ll test you. When things are going really well, your fear subsides. The second there’s an issue, your fear rears it’s ugly head and causes you to doubt things or possibly to run from the situation all together. The deeper the connection with your partner, the more fear you experience.

To help alleviate your fears going into a potential relationship:

1. Identify your fears

2. Acknowledge and address your fears

3. Don’t let your fear win

4. Move past your fear by being proactive and doing things that are out of your comfort zone. The more you do them, the more normal it will feel.

When you’re in a relationship:

1. Share your fears openly with your partner 

2. Have your partner share his/her fears

3. Recognize that his/her fears may bring out your fears and vice versa

4. Support each other with limiting your fears

You don’t want to avoid fear, it won’t ever completely go away, it’s always going to be there regardless of what you do. It becomes easier though through expansion, repetition and confidence.

When you put so much energy in avoiding fear, you miss out on what’s going on around you. Don’t resist fear because it will only show up more by giving it power and importance. Fear itself isn’t bad. Fear becomes bad when it gets in the way of you and your goals.

Fear has a tendency to wait for you to be completely comfortable and for things to seem perfect, but perfection isn’t real. You’re most likely never going to feel 100% about anything.

Think about what you would do, how things would change for you if you didn’t allow fear to control you. You wouldn’t hold back, you wouldn’t hesitate; you wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to talk to someone who catches your attention. You would be open and vulnerable.

Our minds work in our best interest because our minds are wired to win. You avoid things when you don’t have control over the outcome so you don’t lose. If you don’t  take any risk, you automatically lose every time. 

What would you say “yes” to if your fear wasn’t in the drivers seat anymore?