Relationship Maintenance Checklist

Relationship Maintenance Checklist by Diana Mandell

We don’t often take the time to slow down and check in with our partners about how we’re feeling both individually and as a couple.

I highly encourage you to carve out some uninterrupted time together to review these questions together.

Before you begin this exercise, I have two rules I want you to each keep yourselves accountable to:

Be as gentle but open and honest as you can be

Delivery is key. Communicate with a calm tone and leave your egos at the door. NO defensiveness is allowed in this conversation. Seek to understand, validate and learn from one another.

1. When I upset you, how would you like me to rectify the situation?

2. When it comes to going out, how/how often would you like me to check in with you?

3. What qualities do you like most in a partner?

4. What qualities do you like least in a partner?

5. In what ways do you think I could make you happier? 

6.  What do you think of our sex life?  Do you think we could improve upon anything?  Is there something you’d like to do more of?  Something new you’d like to try out. 

7. How can I best support you when you are feeling overwhelmed, sad, stressed?

8. What are your biggest concerns about us? 

9. How much affection do you like/want from me outside of the bedroom and in the bedroom?

10. If we switched roles (I stepped into your shoes and you stepped into mine) would you be happy with the partner you are/have been?

11. Do you fully trust me? If not, what are your fears/reservations?  

12. Do you feel you’re holding back with me at all? 

13. Is there anything you’re currently struggling with?

14. What work do you want to do to better yourself (which benefits you/us)?

15. What is working well in our relationship and what needs some improvement?

16. How satisfied are you with our intimacy/sex life? What can we each do to improve it?

17. How do you feel about the balance in roles and responsibilities? Does that need to be revisited?

18. Is there anything that’s been upsetting you lately whether it’s related to us or something else?

19. Do you feel safe and secure with me?

20. What do you appreciate most about your partner/relationship?

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