Attracting the right kind of person for you is the difference between a healthy or unhealthy relationship. You don’t want to simply attract anyone into your life, you want to attract the kind of person who gels well with you, brings out the best in you and makes up for what you lack.
Below are a few things you can implement in your dating life immediately to level up:
1. Be authentic
Showing exactly who we are and being vulnerable doesn’t come easy to most because we’re afraid of what other people think of us.
If you authentically show up as who you are and someone rejects you, you can’t use the defense mechanism that at least you weren’t being your true self so the rejection hurts more. You now know that this person didn’t like you for exactly who you are and that’s hurtful.
Be yourself unapologetically and own who you are. If you are a bit dorky, be dorky. If you are very outgoing and sociable, continue to be sociable. If you are more the quiet type, be quiet.
The more you embrace who you are and how you show up in the world, the more you are going to attract people who you have potential with.
Having an authentic relationship with someone you are always yourself, you don’t have to censor yourself and you aren’t being judged.
When someone loves you completely for exactly who you are, the good, bad and ugly- that’s true love. That’s when you know you have found someone who doesn’t just love all the good and fun sides of you but also your flaws, weird quirks and annoying habits too. What once annoyed them about you, they probably have learned to love because it comes with the entire package of you.
2. Do things differently
Whatever has happened in your past- heartbreak, mistakes, disappointment… it doesn’t have to predict your future, you need to learn from your mistakes and do your best not to repeat them. You take what you need to and get rid of what doesn’t serve you anymore. If you’re so consumed and burdened by the past, it will directly affect your present and future as well. You have to do things differently for a different outcome.
There are particular dating patterns that we fall into and some of them are very unhealthy and destructive.
There are harmful personality traits that you are naturally attracted to. Think about your past relationships and identify any similarities between the partners you have had. Often you date the same person with a different first name (and sometimes that’s the same too!).
A few reasons why is you are trying to model your parents unhealthy or healthy relationship, you are seeking approval, you have little self worth, the first damaging relationship you had set the stage for your future relationships.
To break the negative pattern you created for yourself the first thing you need to do is pinpoint the pattern you have created for yourself. Identify the root of where this pattern you created has come from. When you become aware of what was once subconscious as conscious and in the front of your mind, you are much more likely to break the pattern and you can hold yourself responsible. You can make a rule for yourself to not date that certain kind of person; don’t even begin a relationship with someone who you know is not appropriate for you.