Going through a divorce brings up a lot of different emotions, none of them right or wrong. Take your time to process your feelings and heal, you’re morning the loss of a partner, that’s not easy.
Take some time for you, be kind to yourself, surround yourself with good people. There are no rules, there’s no rush to put yourself out there and date. Take your time and get yourself to a good place first and foremost. When you feel ready emotionally to put yourself out there, that’s when you should dip your toe in the dating pool.
Distance yourself from your ex. Having this distance and space allows you to the time and emotional space to reflect and also forgive yourself and your partner. When you don’t distance yourself, it doesn’t give you the ability to completely let go of the relationship. Until you can do that, you won’t be able to fully move on and you’ll most likely be filled with anger and resentment.
Often when my clients begin to date, they can feel overwhelmed and a bit lost considering they haven’t dated in a while. It’s can be quite difficult to get your footing. There’s nothing wrong with you, I promise. It just takes a little bit of guidance and patience. If you’re really struggling, I suggest reaching out to a coach or therapist.
When you take the time before you put yourself out there to reflect on the relationship and learn the lessons both what you’d like to see similarly and differently in a partner and what you’d like to continue, start and stop doing yourself, dating becomes a lot easier to navigate. Keep in mind that no future partner should pay for the mistakes of your ex, this is partially why doing this internal work is so important.
The question isn’t so much “will I love again” but more “Am I ready to love again?” Are you completely over your ex? Do you feel you’re in a good, healthy place in your life emotionally, mentally and spiritually to be in a relationship with someone? Don’t judge yourself for whatever answer comes up for you.
Ask yourself these important questions:
- What do I want in a potential partner?
- What do I not want in a potential partner?
- What are my dealbreakers?
- What will I do differently moving forward?
- How will I hold myself accountable to these things?
- What are my personal boundaries?
- How do I want to feel in my relationship?
Remind yourself as often as needed that the worst is over. You have done the internal work, you have identified the issues, you have learned the lessons, you have let go of the pain and the anger. You can do this.
The next person you date and the next relationship you’re in will not the same relationship as your marriage. You did the work beforehand to ensure you’re not in the same position again. Trust yourself, the knowledge you have, the power you have, the perspective and experience you have.
You’re not the same person that you were during your marriage and even during the dissolution. You’re the improved version of yourself, better than ever. You have tremendous value and you deserve to be loved by an amazing human being who also sees how amazing you truly are.
When putting yourself out there again, that the great part about this, is that you’re now given a second chance at love. You’re now wiser, more self assured, more self aware, you understand yourself and what you want so much clearer. This is a really good thing. Use this to your advantage.
No matter who you are, where you come from, what you look like, what your marriage was like, how long your marriage was for, you WILL love again and you deserve to experience real and meaningful love.