Blast Through Some Dating Myths

Blast thru dating myths by Diana Mandell

1.    Men don’t like when women pursue them

Men actually love when women pursue them, they think the take charge attitude is sexy and they appreciate the pressure not being on them to make the first move. In fact, according to research, 90% of men are comfortable if/when a woman asks them out. 

Now I know there is a lot of resistance around women pursuing a guy since it breaks tradition, women are afraid they will come off too strong, we like being pursued and I totally get that. The issue is that most of the men who approach you, you aren’t interested in. Because of that, you might as well take matters into your own hands and approach who you’re interested in. 

This way, you get to hand select the guys you want to date and not just take the “wait and hope” approach waiting and hoping that the one guy you would pick out of a lineup starts a conversation with you. If you’re really not jiving with that idea, for a more subtle approach, you can always make the guy feel like it was his idea. 

Find a guy who catches your attention and drop something on purpose near him and wait for him to pick it up for you or casually position yourself near him and ask him if he would do you a solid and pretend to be your boyfriend because there is a creepy guy at the bar who won’t leave you alone or ask for help with something like your umbrella is stuck or maybe you’re vertically challenged like me and you need help reaching something high up. This way it makes it seem like it was his idea to approach you when its fact you selected him first. 

2.    Women are more romantic than men

Most of us think that women are more romantic than men, but the truth is according to researchers, men tell woman they love them first about three quarters of the time. Also, in other studies, research has found that men were more likely than women to believe in love at first sight and to idealize their partner and relationships.

3.    Wait a while before responding

The “wait 3 days rule” is no longer a thing, that myths were debunked a long time ago but I see a lot of people not being proactive when responding to someone on purpose. You don’t have to answer within a millisecond but don’t deliberately wait 12 hours or 24 hours to respond either. 

We all know we always have our phones with us. The reason it’s important to respond is because if you don’t, this guy is either going to assume you’re playing games, or you aren’t interested.

4.    Nice women/men finish last

It really bums me out when I hear people say that the nice guys/women finish last. It’s not true! When men and women are looking for long term relationships, they stress internal qualities much more than when they look for fun or a fling. Having altruistic qualities according to research is more desirable than not.  

It just takes a little time sometimes. People value different things at different times. The bad ones are who you screw around with, but the good ones are the ones you settle down with.

5. Arguing with your partner means your relationship is in trouble

Arguing is not only unavoidable, it’s actually good for your relationship but only when it’s healthy arguing. If both of your intentions are to resolve the issue and both be heard and not to win, convince your guy that you’re right and belittle and insult each other, then you’re good. 

6. The more people you date the better your chances are to meet someone 

A lot of people think that dating is a number game and while I agree, it’s not in the way that most people think. Yes, I want you to put yourself out there and meet and interact with as many men as possible while keeping an open mind, since you never know, but I also don’t want you going on dates with any guy who walks your way. 

You’re going to be wasting your time and energy and it’s going to turn into a part time or possibly full-time job that you never wanted. Instead I encourage you again, to speak to as many men as possible but go on dates with very few. Think of it like a funnel where the top is the widest, this is you talking to guys and then tapers down more and more and that’s the dating aspect. 

7. The smartest, prettiest women get married first 

Don’t believe me? Need proof? No problem 🙂 

If intelligence and beauty are the two things men look for in a woman, why are several of my clients smart, beautiful women? 

I work with men as well and I can tell you from personal experience that I have clients who are average looking and I have clients who are really good looking and they’re all working with me struggling to find a relationship regardless of the reason, meaning they all need help so their looks haven’t gotten them the girl. Same idea with women. I know MANY smart and beautiful women are a great catch but haven’t found their guy yet, they just need to make some tweaks to get the results they want, which is to date an amazing man. 

8. If there isn’t an immediate spark on the first date, then you aren’t right for each other 

Sparks and fireworks aren’t necessarily going to come right away. Going on one date isn’t going to tell you everything you need to know. Attraction takes take to build. You don’t need to come running home after a date to your best friend or your mom and tell them that you found your husband. It’s best when things develop slowly and steadily with someone. 

I highly suggest that if you’re interested in a guy you went on a date with, even if you weren’t over the top thrilled, to go out with him again to see whether your feelings have grown after the second date, stayed the same or if you liked him less. We can often be quick to assume and simply write someone off, but I highly suggest you get all the facts, assess and then decide what is best for you. 

9.    There is one specific person out there for you

I know people really like the idea of soulmates but perhaps I am one of the few dating coaches who doesn’t believe there is one person out there for you. I’ll give you an example. A girl I am friendly with at 26 years old who had a 2-year-old boy and was 7 months pregnant found out her husband and his father both died in a plane crash. It was heartbreaking. 

She was 26 years old and there is no part of me that believes that he was the only man on earth for her and for the rest of her life she should be alone because she married the man of her dreams and now, he was gone. I believe there aren’t hundreds of people who you would truly click with, but I don’t believe there is just one. 

I believe in having second shots at love. Different people bring different traits, qualities and experiences to the table that are equally important. Is my husband amazing? Absolutely and does he feel the same about me? I think so  but if we weren’t able to be together, I know we would both find other people and be happy, it would just be different with someone else.

10.    If you date longer, issues will smooth themselves out

This is a common mistake and it’s certainly one I made in my 20’s. A lot of us have. We think if we give it more time that somehow the problems, the fights, the things that really piss you off will somehow disappear, but we know in our hearts that it doesn’t work that way. The only way that this could EVER work is if you and or your partner decided to make changes in order for your relationship to change and grow. 

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